Stop Giving Your Power Away, O Laser-Headed One

Social dynamics lesson of the day.

Giving your power away makes people -- at least the kind of people you might really want to have as friends -- uncomfortable. It's usually taken on in an attempt to make one's self more palatable to others, i.e.: to gain approval.

Ironically -- TRAGICALLY, in many cases -- other than a momentary smoothing over of the social vibe (which is not universally valuable by any means) it tends to do exactly the opposite. People will tolerate you, but not be excited to be with you.

And you'll be digging yourself a pit of icky. Your self-esteem will be sewer-bound.

I mean, people literally kill themselves over this kind of thing. Social skills and right-thinking are so bloody valuable, basic to our health. (Science says: links to mental health, physical health, life expectancy, income, happiness.)

Perhaps your social sitch is not so perilous as all that -- still, it can be much better. It's like the Undiscovered Country of Glory sitting right in front of us every day....

What is "giving your power away"? Some examples:

• explaining yourself unnecessarily (i.e.: when not directly requested to do so for a reason other than the other person wants your power or to feel less nervous)
• apologizing unnecessarily (i.e.: any time OTHER THAN when you've considered your actions carefully and regret them, AND are at least 85% sure the other person will benefit from hearing it)
• perpetuating conversations you're not interested in, either by silent approval or active asking questions you don't give a real-shit about the answers to
• sacrificing an important activity of yours for a less-important activity of someone else's (e.g.: you're about to do your daily workout and someone calls to gossip)

It should be noted that the more power you have (by birth, training, habit, or coincidence), the more tension you are likely to feel to give it away -- likewise if your power takes "eccentric" (uncommon or socially unapproved [non-preapproved]) forms, the pressure goes up.

Perhaps more to the point, the greater the difference in level and form between your power and

• A) the average power of your immediate social milieu
• x
• B) your level of unconditional self-acceptance

the more pressure those around you are likely to exert, and that you are likely to feel, to deflate yourself, defray your energies by the above-listed behaviours and others.

Okay. So it's getting complicated.

I shall retreat to my bat-cave for further calculations and lethal-combat training.