Mentoring & Personal Development

A mentor is someone who because of greater personal wisdom or experience, can offer us words, deeds and counsels that guide us along our path -- and even help us define our path in the first place.

The ManKind Project (MKP) can perhaps best be described as a men's mentoring organization. I've been involved with MKP for almost three years now, but in the last six months of my involvement, mentoring has really come into focus for me. I see mentoring as an aspect of many of my relationships (in all areas of my life). Through MKP and two brother organizations (Boys to Men and Shadow Healing), I've had the good fortune to learn a lot more about mentoring as a concept and practice, as well as meet and spend time with two men in particular who've had a strong impact on me.

These mentoring relationships have deepened my personal growth work. I'm beginning to appreciate the power of mentoring, and think a lot about why it's so powerful.

Book Learnin'

The business of personal development is made possible by mass-distribution of books, audio and video programs -- and of course by blogs! -- and to a lesser extent by public teaching events (seminars and conferences).

This mass distribution and relatively low-commitment, highly-accessible teaching events has some incredible strengths. There is an amazing body of knowledge that is publicly and (with libraries and the internet) easily accessible. I believe that much of the knowledge publicly available today has been the purview of what in most eras of history has been considered "magic". And much of it is simply new, the product of the knowledge explosion of the past 150 years or so.

A lot of the information is good, some excellent, and much of it can be applied and experienced simply by reading and trying a few exercises on one's own.

But there's a piece of the puzzle missing, and that's where mentoring comes in.

Grounding the Information, Rounding it Out

Mentoring makes things real. If they can do it, so can I. Our brains are wired for social life, and while books and videos can tap into this, they are no substitute for live, personal experience.

When that experience is an intimate one (as in both parties sharing something of themself beyond the social facade), the learning impact is deeper. Our mind will process something intimate at a deeper level -- it has more of us in it. There is more at risk, more openness. We feel it more, our attention is focussed and intense.

By giving me a forum to meet a wide variety of exemplars, including some I consider mentors, my involvement with men's work has accelerated my personal development. My book learning and ideals are increasingly grounded in living examples of the abilities and qualities I'm cultivating -- be it social dominance, business success, a rich family life, courage and resilience, emotional mastery, group facilitation and leadership, discipline or generosity of spirit.

Also, there's some things that books & videos can't touch, and the ones I'm reading often don't even try. What it's like, for example, to see someone you look up to, and is teaching you, go deep into their emotions, their vulnerability and speak a truth that is hard for them to admit. To see that no matter how much I admire them, they are human, imperfect, struggling, and that's totally fine.

By validating, understanding and extending themselves on my behalf, some of these men have expressed (and continue to express) an interest in my development. They offer me challenge, support and vision. With their actions, and sometimes their words, they've said "I care about you". What could be more encouraging than that?

Et tu, mentee?

Not everyone has to do something eccentric like get involved with men's work to discover mentoring. Who are your mentors, past and present? Who do you want to get mentoring from? What's important to your growth? And where do you find the mentors you need and want?